Approaching Motherhood


Girl. You’ve found love in the unlikely places.
Been undone by the shaking change.
Confidence wasn’t yours to begin with.
So dance. Unravel your expectation.
There in the daylight, you’ve got salvation.

What is this that grows within your fire?
Everything unknown has become.
It is familiar and ready to thrive.
Girl. This is your child, the blossom.
A birth begun the moment you loved.

Your boundaries are expanding.
Don’t expect the world to understand.
Draw your sword if you have to,
And leap, head back, arms spread.
Girl. Peace is your confidence. So dance.

- Krystal


One thing I have always been an advocate for is not rushing it. Don’t rush your dreams because they need cultivation. Own where you are at and stay true to yourself. I’ve never been one to fit an expected timeline and approaching motherhood at 35 was no exception. Honestly, it wasn’t something I really felt comfortable with right up until about a year ago. Everyone has a different story for why and when they become mothers.

I’ve never been one to dream about being a mother. It all really seemed so hypothetical, especially without having anyone in the picture. The idea of having children seemed good, but I didn’t feel like it had to define me. It was just something that I would experience and learn from when the time came. When we felt it was time to have children, it came with some hesitation, but only in the unknown. What did bring me peace and confidence in the decision to have children, was knowing what it would do for our lives. Besides all of the lack of sleep, 24/7 alert guardianship, and just messiness, the change we knew would be good. As believers in Christ, we feel that anything that can bring more understanding into His character and all that He does for us is a good, good thing. Nothing can fully prepare you for motherhood, but one thing is for sure, I am ready to love bigger. I am ready to see an individual that grew from inside me, grow into their own person. I want to see God work from this angle.

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I had this sudden rush of peace. The kind that reminds me everyday to take it all one day at a time. I’d been asking God for that in my life and He definitely granted it. So far everything has felt relatively natural for me. Other than the first time I felt the baby move from the outside. THAT was weird. I’ve always been pretty aware of my body and how it works, so this has come as a complete surprise to me. What God does in us as women is a pure miracle and all I have to do is sit back and take care of myself.

I just thought I would share my thoughts on it in case anyone else feels the same. It’s just something that is slowly growing on me. In my case, having this little guy coming into our lives now comes with no regrets. Being older only means that I have more under my belt to share with him. Oh and it definitely makes you more conscious about being healthy. Nothing wrong with that! So, anyone else take a while in coming to terms with motherhood? I’d love to hear how it changed your life in a wonderful way.